Monthly Archives: September 2013

Sithole Regional, Round 1: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #16 Sander Van Der Linden, #8 Octavia Sheepshanks vs. #9 Frostee Rucker

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We’re kicking off the Sithole Regional with a heavy hitter, folks. I feel that any attempt to add commentary to Baby Swinger‘s name would fall pitifully short. Her name is Baby Swinger.

She’s up against Scientific American contributor and Paul Rudd doppelgänger Sander van der Linden, whose name I could read aloud for hours. Seriously, say it: Sander van der Linden. It feels like a bike ride through the foothills of the Alps.

Will Sander‘s dulcet lingual contours be enough to trump the blunt hilarity of Baby Swinger? Vote!

We’ve got another 8-v.-9 nailbiter rounding out today’s ticket. The ontological status of Cambridge University online columnist Octavia Sheepshanks has already been the subject of some subterfuge and confusion. The Independent got the final word on the subject, wherein Sheepshanks confessed that her final column, in which she exposed her persona as a fraud, was itself a hoax executed as a means of protecting herself from attacks on her character. Whatever.

Her opponent this week is Arizona Cardinals defensive end Frostee Rucker. When he was playing for the Bengals, Frostee and several teammates decided to buy two frozen yogurt franchises as a side business. (The media covered this with a remarkably straight face.)

Frostee explains how his name came to be: “My pop [Len] was a DJ while he was in the military and they called him DJ Frost because they said he was cold on the spins. [They called him] Frost, Frostee all that. No matter what he named me they were going to call me Little Frost anyway, so they named me Frostee.”

Rucker or Sheepshanks? Your call!

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Bulltron Regional Round 1 Results

This week:

#1 Pornsak Pongthong predictably crushed #16 Genius Dexter.

In the closest matchup of the round, #8 Bak Bak beat out #9 Jawanza Poland.

#5 Narnia Overall represented her fictional homeland well, easily conquering #12 Quintus Fernando.

#13 Marijuana Warr upset #4 Cheshire Schanker by a healthy margin. We don’t think y’all gave Miss Schanker her due, but alas.

#6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets dispatched #11 Arquimedes Caminero more handily than we’d expected.

#3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. defeated #14 Roxanne Stackable, which was inevitable but a little sad. I had higher hopes for Stackable.

#10 Ursula A. Hofacker upset #7 Seventh Woods.

In Bulltron R1’s most decisive rout, #2 Yolanda Squatpump tore through #15 Tore A. Torp.

Sithole Regional voting starts tomorrow morning!

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Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #7 Seventh Woods vs. #10 Ursula A. Hofacker, #2 Yolanda Squatpump vs. #15 Tore A. Torp

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OK, we’ll admit that we would have given Seventh Woods a 7-seed even if he belonged in the lower tiers, but the 14-year-old high school basketball star fits nicely in the middle of the field. His name comes from the day when God finished his work. If only he played golf.

In an actual March Madness bracket, Woods would be a lock until meeting fellow baller Bak Bak in the Elite Eight, showily posterizing everyone on the way. But dominance on the court doesn’t help one’s fortune in the onomastic arena. Woods has to deal with some fierce competition brought by Chemical Experimentation author Ursula A. Hofacker. Like her name, her textbook apparently “leave[s] little to the student’s imagination.”

Who will prevail: the youngest point guard on Team USA or a chemistry lecturer seasoned by years of surreptitiously sniggering students? YOU decide!


On the other side of the field we have Yolanda Squatpump, Usual Suspects makeup artist and our strongest last-minute addition. It’s easy to see how a young mother trying to decide what goes with “Squatpump” would eventually throw up her hands, grit her teeth and go for the gold. However it happened, we’re blessed to bask in the knowledge that such a name exists.

She’s up against Tore Torp, middle name Andreas, who holds a patent for a “Process and System for Recovering and Storing a Light Hydrocarbon Vapor from Crude Oil.” The word “slurry” appears often. Torp shares both name and nationality with Norwegian hockey player and 2011 10-seed Tore Vikingstad, but trades badass for singsong on the surname, giving him a fundamentally different appeal.

Will Tore Torp tear through enough voters’ torpor to vanquish the mighty Squatpump? Only time will tell.


With that, we’re done laying out the first round of the first region. All voting for Bulltron Round 1 ends Sunday, so make up your mind by then. We’ll be back to present the Sithole Regional on Monday; in the meantime, follow @NOTYtourney for sporadic pithy updates.

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Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets vs. #11 Arquimedes Caminero, #3 Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. vs. #14 Roxanne Stackable

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ALERT: Staats Battle has been disqualified. Though the NC State guard‘s name is real and excellent, we recently learned that he had previously been considered by the NOTY High Committee. In the interest of a fresh tournament, he’s been removed. In his place, please welcome Roxanne Stackable to the bracket. More on her in a bit.

First, we open up what is shaping up to be of the most grisly bloodbaths of the first round. The 6-seed is Dr. David L. Dickensheets, doctor at the Infectious Disease Services of Georgia. Whether or not his job title enhances the overall gestalt comes down to personal preference, but even if you’re not a fan of the Dr. prefix, there’s no denying that this man’s last name is Dickensheets.

For what it’s worth, the Infectious Disease Services of Georgia is located in Cumming, GA.

He’s up against Arquimedes Caminero, a rookie reliever for the Miami Marlins and a late addition to our bracket. Arquimedes replaced the recently DQ’d Bacarri Rambo. I admit that as a huge baseball fan, Arquimedes should’ve been on my radar much earlier. Instead, like most of South Florida, I’ve only watched about three innings of Marlins baseball this year. At any rate, he is a worthy contender, and not just because of his 4/1 strikeout-to-walk ratio.

So will Dr. David L. Dickensheets survive? Or will Arquimedes Caminero have a ‘Eureka!’ moment and pull the upset? You can decide in the poll below:

In our second matchup, we’re pitting 3-seed Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D. against the aforementioned Roxanne Stackable. She specializes in family practice and is therefore a personal favorite of all children who wish to have a doctor named SkyHawk. Last time I checked, that’s all of them.

We can’t, however, count out Roxanne Stackable. A cooking enthusiast, Roxanne would fit well into a Name of the Year superhero fanfic. Perhaps she’d make a fierce love interest for our hero, Johnny Moustachewho together with his dependable sidekick Joe Shortsleeve must save the world from his nemesis, uh, Nemesis Vega.

Will Skyhawk soar above Roxanne? Decide in the poll below, and don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @NOTYTourney for all updates. The first round of Bulltron Regional voting ends on Sunday.

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Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #5 Narnia Overall vs. #12 Quintus Fernando, #4 Cheshire Schanker vs. #13 Marijuana Warr

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Serendipitously, today’s matchups both recall classic tales of British kids lost in lands of whimsy. Far beyond the doors of the wardrobe, a centaur named Quintus Fernando charges into battle against the White Witch; Narnia Overall is the slogan on his oriflamme. Later, we’ll go down the rabbit hole to find Cheshire Schanker and Marijuana Warr, the cat and the caterpillar. Except, you know, more violent.

Narnia Overall (#5) is the daughter of the author of Why Have Children? Save your money. The answer, obviously, is “so you can give them bodacious names.” She’s up against Quintus Fernando (#12), a chemist from the University of Arizona and two-time contributor to Waste Management.


Next up, we have Cheshire Schanker, a New York City social worker who’s served well by a cascade of consonance. Her opponent is Marijuana Warr, whose name conjures a conflict between Colombian warlords. Can a social worker prevail over drugs? YOU decide!


All Bulltron Regional voting will close at midnight on Sunday. Get ’em in before then.

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Bulltron Regional, Round 1: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #16 Genius Dexter, #8 Bak Bak vs. #9 Jawanza Poland

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I was considering Sriracha sauce one day (as fans of spicy food often do) when I decided to look it up on Wikipedia to learn of its origins. This search was interrupted by a disambiguation page, which informed me that I might be looking for a Thai soccer team named Sriracha FC. Curious whether the team and the sauce were related, I clicked onward, where after a quick scan of the team’s roster I learned that oh my god, there is a Thai soccer player named Pornsak Pongthong.

This hopefully illustrates just how many amazing names are hiding just beyond our sight, waiting to be discovered on lightly-tread Wikipedia articles and obscure research papers and collegiate athletics databases. We’re not only excited about the names we’ve discovered in compiling this field, we’re also hopeful about the ones like mighty Pornsak who we’ll discover organically when we least expect it. When you have similar encounters, I hope you’ll let us know.

With that out of the way, let’s move on to this year’s contenders. With so many quality names, no matchup is a gimme, not even a 1 vs. 16. In this case, Pornsak’s first opponent is Genius Dexter. There’s something about the name Dexter that lends itself to greatness — after all, the two prominent TV characters with the name are both geniuses in their own way. We liked the combo, so we gave this Dexter a chance to beat the best — or get beaten by him.

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Our second matchup of the day is the first of four 8 vs. 9 slugfests. As college basketball fans are aware, the 8-9 games in the NCAA tournament are usually the hardest to predict, with a collection of flashy Horizon League upstarts, toughened middle-of-the-pack Big Ten warriors and relatively unknown Western Athletic Conference champions squaring up for 40 minutes of hotly contested basketball. We hope today’s contest is similarly close.

Fittingly, both Bak Bak and Jawanza Poland came on our radar as college basketball players. Bak, who came off the bench for the University of California at Berkeley, is not the only athlete we’ve encountered whose first name matches his last. Other such contenders include Majok Majok, Shayok Shayok, and Leek Leek. In the interest of variety we decided to include Bak and only Bak; his is the shortest, sweetest and most gallinaceous of the double names.

Also, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, Bak was born during the Sudanese Civil War and is lucky to be alive today. We’re glad he made it.

As for Poland, he was a standout at the University of South Florida who briefly gained national attention when he threw down a ferocious dunk in the NCAA Tournament against, coincidentally, Bak’s California Golden Bears. If this tournament was decided by athletic ability, Jawanza would no doubt take this matchup, but our measuring stick is a lot more esoteric. His name is a classic combo: bonkers first name, subdued yet interesting last name. There will be a lot of other NOTY contenders who follow this formula.


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Does Genius Dexter have the smarts to overcome that pong, thong thong thong thong? And will Bak‘s invasion of Poland result in a complete takeover? Let us know what you think in the polls.

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Some Exciting News, Eleventh Hour Bracket Updates And A Voting Reminder

Friends,

As a reminder, voting for our 2013 Name of the Year tournament will begin Monday morning. We’ve decided to post two matchups each day to keep the tournament moving right along. Check back tomorrow morning for our first 1 v. 16 mismatch as well as a much-anticipated 8 v. 9 slugfest.

With that out of the way, let’s move on to the exciting news: Our humble imitation has been recognized and approved by the original Name of the Year High Committee.

Ever since the thought of a NOTY takeover first crossed our minds, we have spent a lot of time wondering what the founders would think of our blatant thievery. Would they be angry at us for hijacking their brainchild? Or would they admire the degree to which their work has inspired a new generation of name enthusiasts? Would the High Committee be proud, angry, supportive, indifferent, or melancholic?

Last Friday, we got our answer. After sharing news of our bracket with a number of media outlets, we caught the eye (or the inbox, if you will) of one of the founders of Name of the Year, the poster known as “stw” on the original site. To our delight, stw was complimentary about our website, this year’s field of names, and “our healthy acknowledgment of NOTY.” As life has gotten in the way of our forefathers’ ability to sift through a mountainous backlog of e-mail submissions, stw proposed an agreement, offering us the NOTY blog, e-mail address, and Twitter handle so long as we continue to include the original High Committee in whatever role they see fit. We have, in short, been offered the keys to the Porsche after a few days of joyriding. We couldn’t be more excited.

As a result, there will be a few changes around here. In the next couple of weeks, all NOTY-related material will be moved to nameoftheyear.com, a currently bare domain owned by the High Committee. That website will include more than a quarter-century’s worth of past tournaments as well as all present and future updates from the current and upcoming installments. When the move is completed, the rest of NOTY 2013 will play out in its rightful home. Six months down the line, we hope to also return NOTY to its rightful place in the seasonal cycle. If all goes well, NOTY 2014 will commence in time for March Madness.

We’ve already dusted off the Twitter account, and we will use it to blast our followers with all pertinent updates. If you’re into that sort of stuff, follow us @NOTYtourney.

The last part of stw’s gift to us is the one that we have so far cherished the most. By providing us with access to the NOTY e-mail account, he has introduced us to the two years of submissions that have built up since the last tournament. After spending most of the day in name-induced nirvana, we found enough brilliant entries to last us for several years. If you would like to add to this treasure trove, we’re always open to suggestions.

We’re pulling a few names out of that bag right away. As stw informed us, three of the entries in our 2013 bracket had already been up for consideration during previous tournaments. We had looked through the NOTY archives to check for repeats, but Young Boozer, Nancy Ann Cianci and Bacarri Rambo had all previously been considered and rejected. In addition, a separate source has informed us that Mummy Oh’Scarvalone is a nickname, disqualifying her from the tournament. We have a responsibility to play by the NOTY guidelines, so we have struck these four names from the field. They will be missed.

In their stead come four new competitors: Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D., Twollie Vanderwerf, Arquimedes Caminero and Yolanda Squatpump. The bracket has been updated accordingly.

TL;DR: There’ll be some shuffling afoot in the coming weeks. If there’s one thing you should take away, it is the reminder that VOTING STARTS TOMORROW. Everything else will fall into place in time.

These are exciting times for Name of the Year. We hope you’re as pumped as we are.

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