30 years ago, a group of college kids started a tradition. Its mission was “to discover, verify, nominate, elect, and disseminate great names.” These are names of real, living people, names that bring smiles to the faces of everyone who encounters them.
The Name of the Year tournament was taken online in 2007, democratizing the event and allowing people the world over to wet themselves in giddy onomastic delight over choice finds like Largest Agbejemison, Rev. Demon Sox, Selathious Bobo. It soon became (in our book) the Best Thing on the Internet.
We were only fans, but we spent untold hours in dorm cafeterias arguing the finer points of such nail-biting matchups as Nohjay Nimpson v. X’Zavier Bloodsaw. Stayed up preposterously late arguing about the value of simple pleasures like Johnny Moustache and Charlie Soap. Tested the bounds of our friendship arguing about– you get the idea; we argue and bicker like the hopeless nerds that we are.
Then, in 2011, the posts slowed to a trickle. It took over a year to name a champion. There was no 2012 Name of the Year tournament.
NOTY left a vacuum in our lives. In the fallow season of 2011, we constructed and filled out brackets for the “final standings” lists of the pre–internet years. The next year, we scratched our itch by seeding names from the greatest Key and Peele sketch ever (the sequel is online as of two days ago). When it was clear that the original High Commission had turned their backs on us for good, we despaired, then went to work resurrecting the tradition we had loved.
And so: after months of research during idle hours, we came up with our own bracket of names. We think we’ve got some good ones, and we’d like to share them with you. And if you feel our picks can’t quite compete with the rarefied likes of Taco B.M. Monster, Col. Many-Bears Grinder, and stonegarden grindlife — don’t fret, not yet. Our forefathers built something great; we’re here to continue their legacy, but we don’t have the reader participation they had in the later years. We did this on our own, without thousands of submissions to draw from. Stewardship of the NOTY tournament is the sort of thing that improves over time. Next time, we hope you’ll have our backs.
So let us ask you: Are you a Schanker, a Jointer, or a Hofacker? A Sparkle or a Twinkle? A Boozer or a Crunk? Who wins the Battle between Fang Man and Dr. Suparman? Mister Love and Mister Moan? Bak Bak and Tore Torp?
The bracket awaits. Polling begins soon. Name on.