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Final Four: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo, #4 Smokey Don Pipes vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

This is it. This is the week we’ve all been waiting for. The Final Four begins today, with the Final commencing on Thursday. GET HYPE…AND FOLLOW US ON TWITTER.

For a while, it seemed as if Pornsak Pongthong wouldn’t make it past the monumental challenge of Yolanda Squatpump. Ultimately, he was able to outlast her and become the Bulltron Regional’s Final Four representative. As the sole one seed remaining in the field, Pornsak has to be considered the odds-on favorite to emerge victorious.

That being said, each entrant in the Final Four has proved his name to be elite, and no favorite is safe. In order to make the final, Pornsak will have to get past McWisdom Badejo, who beat Baby Swinger in the Elite Eight and won the Sithole Regional. McWisdom has already toppled one top seed; will he make it two? Which athlete will prevail?

On the other side of the bracket, Smokey Don Pipes was able to move on thanks to the closest match of our tournament, which ended in a tie and had to be decided in a 90-minute overtime. Smokey Don’s victory is a reminder that every vote counts. If our overtime voters had preferred Leila Bossy-Nobs‘ chuckle-inducing last name to her opponent’s mellifluous moniker, the Frenchwoman would have completed an improbable run to the Final Four. Instead, Smokey Don represents the Dragonwagon Regional.

He is up against Leo Moses Spornstarr, who emerged victorious by a healthy margin over one-seed Fancy English, Jr. and will represent the Chrotchtangle Regional in the Final Four. Leo is one of three Final Four contestants aged 26 or younger; has NOTY become a young man’s game? Will Leo’s youth lead the way against the decidedly riper Smokey? You decide forthwith.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Chrotchtangle Regional, 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Please Welcome Your 2013 Name of the Year Final Four

Wow.

It took four incredibly close battles, but we have our Final Four. One matchup came down to a single vote, and another was tied at midnight and had to be decided in overtime.

Pornsak Pongthong hadn’t been remotely challenged before taking on Yolanda Squatpump, and early voting had him behind the Usual Suspects crew member. Not to be outdone, Pornsak pulled off a classic March Madness comeback (in November), stormed past Squatpump, and took the victory by 22 votes. He’s the last one seed standing.

At our usual midnight endpoint, Smokey Don Pipes and Leila Bossy-Nobs were dead even. 230 votes for the Oklahoman criminal, 230 votes for the French scientist. By 1:30, Leila’s vote count remained stagnant, but Smokey Don had picked up another four votes, garnering him the perhaps the most nail-biting, hard-won victory of the year and the chance to represent the Dragonwagon in the Final Four. Leila, you will be dearly missed.

Leo Moses Spornstarr had the most decisive victory of the Elite Eight, easily outpacing top seeded Fancy English, Jr. by a margin of 92 votes. We’re sad to see Fancy go, but a penchant for impeccable grammar will hopefully live on.

Finally, basketball player McWisdom Badejo pulled off the NOTY version of a buzzer beater, topping Baby Swinger by a single vote. Badejo fans will cherish this victory for their entire lives, while Swinger supporters will hastily change the channel whenever the matchup is rebroadcast on ESPN Classic.

The Final Four will run from Monday to Thursday. On Friday, the final will begin. Right now we’re planning on letting it run through Sunday, though perhaps we will extend it a couple days to be thorough. You can help us out by voting at this most critical moment.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Chrotchtangle Regional, 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Bulltron/Sithole Regionals, Elite Eight: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump, #1 Baby Swinger vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

Well, after several weeks of upsets, scares, and near-misses, both the Bulltron and Sithole Regionals are now down to the top two seeds. Both are shaping up to be titanic struggles. As a reminder, we will post two matchups today, two tomorrow, and then give you guys the rest of the week to decide the Final Four. You’ve all done a great job so far (especially those of you who have followed us on Twitter.)

First up is our Clash of the Titans. It’s our Duke vs. Kentucky, our Nimpson vs. Bloodsaw, our Goku vs. Vegeta, our Lincoln vs. Douglas. In one corner: Pornsak Pongthong, Thai football defender, #1 seed,  hotter than a plate of Pad Kee Mao. In the other: Yolanda Squatpump, ascendant challenger, The Usual Suspects makeup artist, and workout champion of the Bulltron. Only one of these names can reach the Final Four. Who will it be?

The Sithole regional’s two titans are also set for an absolute dogfight. Baby Swinger looked dead in the water against Norman Conquest, but she managed to swing the voting in her favor as if it were a newborn child. Now, she faces her hardest test yet: McWisdom Badejo, who has rolled through three rounds without being significantly tested. Methinks he’ll get his first challenge this week.

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Dragonwagon Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #4 Smokey Don Pipes, #3 Sincere Shears vs. #10 Leila Bossy-Nobs

We’re halfway through the Sweet Sixteen! That was fast. Here’s our Twitter.

Four seed Smokey Don Pipes may be the nominal underdog in our first matchup of the day, but the Oklahoman has looked like a top contender through two rounds. After a round one walk, he pasted Twollie Vanderwerf last week in a one-sided wout. His Sweet Sixteen opponent, Dr. Suparman Marzuki, took down Dusty Rust in his last matchup, but the Indonesian politician is in for a dogfight this time around. I’m half-expecting him to fly backwards around the Earth a couple times so he can spam the site with votes for Twollie.

Elsewhere, Leila Bossy-Nobs will try to become the first double digit seed to make this year’s Elite Eight after her shocking defeat of Jackmeoff Mudd. I’m on the record as a huge fan of hers, so I’m glad to see her spring a pair of upsets. That being said, I won’t be unhappy if she falls to Sincere Shears, who won a tough battle last round against strong six seed Gorby Loreus. May the best name win.

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Bulltron Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #13 Marijuana Warr, #6 David L. Dickensheets vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump

We began with 64 names. Now there are sixteen. By the end of this week, we will cut that number in half. As always, our Twitter will have all pertinent updates.

Top seed Pornsak Pongthong strolled past another opponent in Round 2. Bak Bak couldn’t slow down our Thai juggernaut; can Marijuana Warr? The woman who beat Narnia Overall in round 2 has a chance to make it 3 upsets in 3 rounds, but she’ll lose a lot of the sophomoric vote this time around.

The other half of the Bulltron Sweet Sixteen features Dr. David L. Dickensheets against Yolanda Squatpump. Dickensheets did well to win his doctor fight against Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D., but Yolanda is a woman on a mission. With two blowouts under her belt, she seems destined for a pitched Elite Eight battle against Mr. Pongthong. Still, she must be careful of a classic trap name in the Sweet Sixteen. Dr. Dickensheets is the clear underdog, but he’s a much stronger contender than Mrs. Squatpump’s round 2 victim, Ursula A. Hofacker. The doctor must not be taken lightly.

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Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #9 Hurricane Weathers, #12 Mister Love vs. #4 Fitzroy Waffley

It was a dark and stormy night…for Fancy English, Jr., at least. The Chrotchtangle Regional’s #1 seed is in for a rainy, windy battle against #9 seed Hurricane Weathers. Fancy’s victory over Patron Steele was little more than a formality, but he’s now up for a real challenge against the Florida man who vanquished Sparkle McKnight. Go on, Fancy. Make dad proud.

In our second matchup, Mister Love will try to become the second double-digit seed to book a place in the Sweet Sixteen. Mr. Love is not quite 2009 frontrunner Nutritious Love, but he’s set for a potentially deep run after knocking off Bonanza Sharp in Round 1. Of course, he’ll have to get past Fitzroy Waffley, who comfortably strolled past Mythius Gaither in his last matchup and still has the word “waffle” embedded in his last name.

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Dragonwagon Regional Round 2: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #8 Dusty Rust; #5 Twollie Vanderwerf vs. #4 Smokey Don Pipes

Just 24 names remain in the 2013 Name of the Year tournament. By the end of this week, we will be down to 16.

Another top seed is under fire as Dr. Suparman Marzuki moves past his triumph over Dickie Lee Hullinghorst to battle Dusty Rust, the dispatcher of Blaze Caponegro. Suparman has few weaknesses, but Mr. Rust may be able to exploit one of them if his dust happens to be of the crushed-up kryptonite variety. Can the Louisianian college football player pull the upset?

Elsewhere, Smokey Don Pipes will look to follow up his commanding round one victory over Dreamius Smith by taking out Twollie Vanderwerf.  Smokey Don seems like an awfully strong four seed at this point; he’s the 2013 Michigan Wolverines of our bracket. Twollie, who previously outlasted Necho Beard, is simply a Minnesota man whose name was submitted by his wife. He may not have the bravado of his opponent, but he has the modest backstory needed to spin a textbook David vs. Goliath tale.

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