Category Archives: 2013 Sithole Regional

Final Four: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo, #4 Smokey Don Pipes vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

This is it. This is the week we’ve all been waiting for. The Final Four begins today, with the Final commencing on Thursday. GET HYPE…AND FOLLOW US ON TWITTER.

For a while, it seemed as if Pornsak Pongthong wouldn’t make it past the monumental challenge of Yolanda Squatpump. Ultimately, he was able to outlast her and become the Bulltron Regional’s Final Four representative. As the sole one seed remaining in the field, Pornsak has to be considered the odds-on favorite to emerge victorious.

That being said, each entrant in the Final Four has proved his name to be elite, and no favorite is safe. In order to make the final, Pornsak will have to get past McWisdom Badejo, who beat Baby Swinger in the Elite Eight and won the Sithole Regional. McWisdom has already toppled one top seed; will he make it two? Which athlete will prevail?

On the other side of the bracket, Smokey Don Pipes was able to move on thanks to the closest match of our tournament, which ended in a tie and had to be decided in a 90-minute overtime. Smokey Don’s victory is a reminder that every vote counts. If our overtime voters had preferred Leila Bossy-Nobs‘ chuckle-inducing last name to her opponent’s mellifluous moniker, the Frenchwoman would have completed an improbable run to the Final Four. Instead, Smokey Don represents the Dragonwagon Regional.

He is up against Leo Moses Spornstarr, who emerged victorious by a healthy margin over one-seed Fancy English, Jr. and will represent the Chrotchtangle Regional in the Final Four. Leo is one of three Final Four contestants aged 26 or younger; has NOTY become a young man’s game? Will Leo’s youth lead the way against the decidedly riper Smokey? You decide forthwith.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Chrotchtangle Regional, 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Please Welcome Your 2013 Name of the Year Final Four

Wow.

It took four incredibly close battles, but we have our Final Four. One matchup came down to a single vote, and another was tied at midnight and had to be decided in overtime.

Pornsak Pongthong hadn’t been remotely challenged before taking on Yolanda Squatpump, and early voting had him behind the Usual Suspects crew member. Not to be outdone, Pornsak pulled off a classic March Madness comeback (in November), stormed past Squatpump, and took the victory by 22 votes. He’s the last one seed standing.

At our usual midnight endpoint, Smokey Don Pipes and Leila Bossy-Nobs were dead even. 230 votes for the Oklahoman criminal, 230 votes for the French scientist. By 1:30, Leila’s vote count remained stagnant, but Smokey Don had picked up another four votes, garnering him the perhaps the most nail-biting, hard-won victory of the year and the chance to represent the Dragonwagon in the Final Four. Leila, you will be dearly missed.

Leo Moses Spornstarr had the most decisive victory of the Elite Eight, easily outpacing top seeded Fancy English, Jr. by a margin of 92 votes. We’re sad to see Fancy go, but a penchant for impeccable grammar will hopefully live on.

Finally, basketball player McWisdom Badejo pulled off the NOTY version of a buzzer beater, topping Baby Swinger by a single vote. Badejo fans will cherish this victory for their entire lives, while Swinger supporters will hastily change the channel whenever the matchup is rebroadcast on ESPN Classic.

The Final Four will run from Monday to Thursday. On Friday, the final will begin. Right now we’re planning on letting it run through Sunday, though perhaps we will extend it a couple days to be thorough. You can help us out by voting at this most critical moment.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Chrotchtangle Regional, 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Dragonwagon/Chrotchtangle Regionals, Elite Eight: #4 Smokey Don Pipes vs. #7 Leila Bossy-Nobs, #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

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We’ve got two potential nail-biters on today’s docket, folks, as well we should; two coveted Final Four slots are on the line.

Repping the north side of the Dragonwagon: the soothing sounds of #4 Smokey Don Pipes, Oklahoma shooting suspect, who steamrolled Dr. Suparman Marzuki and Twollie Vanderwerf in past rounds. He’s up against 7-seeded intergalactic warlord-queen Leila Bossy-Nobs, the nanoparticle researcher who vanquished Sincere Shears, Jackmeoff Mudd, and Fang Man. Each already has an impressive collection of trophies; which contestant will end the week on the other’s mantelpiece?


Trouble’s brewing down in the Chrotchtangle, as well. Top-seeded bank robber Fancy English, Jr. is a force to be reckoned with: more powerful than a Hurricane, tastier on the tongue than Waffles. Still, Leo Moses Spornstarr remains the man who claimed the bounty on rogue 14-seed Ram Amandeep. Don’t be fooled by the low seeding — Amandeep was a fan favorite, an anti-hero, a people’s champion. Now he’s a message: you don’t mess with a Spornstarr.


That’s it for this week. We’ll give you until Sunday to vote for the winners. After that: the Final Four, then the title match. The end is nigh.

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Filed under 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Bulltron/Sithole Regionals, Elite Eight: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump, #1 Baby Swinger vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

Well, after several weeks of upsets, scares, and near-misses, both the Bulltron and Sithole Regionals are now down to the top two seeds. Both are shaping up to be titanic struggles. As a reminder, we will post two matchups today, two tomorrow, and then give you guys the rest of the week to decide the Final Four. You’ve all done a great job so far (especially those of you who have followed us on Twitter.)

First up is our Clash of the Titans. It’s our Duke vs. Kentucky, our Nimpson vs. Bloodsaw, our Goku vs. Vegeta, our Lincoln vs. Douglas. In one corner: Pornsak Pongthong, Thai football defender, #1 seed,  hotter than a plate of Pad Kee Mao. In the other: Yolanda Squatpump, ascendant challenger, The Usual Suspects makeup artist, and workout champion of the Bulltron. Only one of these names can reach the Final Four. Who will it be?

The Sithole regional’s two titans are also set for an absolute dogfight. Baby Swinger looked dead in the water against Norman Conquest, but she managed to swing the voting in her favor as if it were a newborn child. Now, she faces her hardest test yet: McWisdom Badejo, who has rolled through three rounds without being significantly tested. Methinks he’ll get his first challenge this week.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Sweet Sixteen Results

We thinned our flock by half again this week. Gone are the lazy days of warmer months: the competition is getting fiercer as we separate ever more chaff from the wheat in search of the cream of this year’s crop. If I could work in a fourth agricultural metaphor, I would.

In the Bulltron regional:

#1 Pornsak Pongthong smoked 13-seed Marijuana Warr. I’ve been waiting two rounds to make that joke. It feels anticlimactic.

#2 Yolanda Squatpump barreled through #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets. Pongthong/Squatpump should be a banner match this week.

In the Sithole regional:

Top-seeded Baby Swinger was down at the beginning of the week but rallied in the end for a close come-from-behind victory over #5 Norman Conquest.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo defeated #6 Pooky Amsterdam.

The Dragonwagon Regional was full of upsets:

#4 Smokey Don Pipes took down 1-seed Dr. Suparman Marzuki like a dimebag of Kryptonite. I am elated.

7-seeded Leila Bossy-Nobs‘ momentum hasn’t let up one bit; challenger #3 Sincere Shears fell far short of securing a place in the Elite Eight.

In the Chrotchtangle regional:

Top-seeded Fancy English, Jr. overcame #4 Fitzroy Waffley without much trouble.

In another come-from-behind victory, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr dispatched 14-seed Ram Amandeep. Don’t scare me like that again.

There are no longer enough matches per round to fill an entire week. We’ll continue apace with the Elite Eight — two matchups tomorrow and two on Tuesday — but then we’ll leave you until the end of the week to get your votes in. As always, keep up with us on Twitter.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Chrotchtangle Regional, 2013 Dragonwagon Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional

Sithole Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #5 Norman Conquest, #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

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The mensches over at the Filmdrunk Frotcast, who’ve been following along with our game, commented a while ago that the Sithole was the weakest region of the bracket. This is becoming clearer as we separate the wheat from the chaff. We’re not losing sleep over it; no bracket is perfectly balanced.

Starting off the Sithole Sweet Sixteen is Baby Swinger, who took out Octavia Sheepshanks without much fuss. She’s up against Norman Conquest, who last round upset Konockus Sashington, a name I still have trouble saying with a straight face. Who wins?


Elsewhere, McWisdom Badejo‘s rout of Syndric Steptoe was unexpectedly decisive; I thought Syndric had more fight in him. He’ll probably have a harder time with Pooky Amsterdam, who’s got some solid momentum.


See you tomorrow in the Dragonwagon. Twittah.

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Filed under 2013 Sithole Regional

Bulltron/Sithole Round 2 Results

We’re picking up the pace and kicking up the bass here at NOTY headquarters. Two regions down, two to go in the second round of the tourney.

In the Bulltron:

1-seed Pornsak Pongthong continues to rip through his competition like a machine, leaving nothing more of #8 Bak Bak than a plaintive squawk and a cloud of feathers.

#13 Marijuana Warr chalked up another upset, this time against 5-seed Narnia Overall. Apparently stoners have stronger numbers in our readership than C.S. Lewis fans do.

#6 David L. Dickensheets won the doctor fight! Sorry, #3 Skyhawk Fadigan.

Powerhouse 2-seed Yolanda Squatpump made short work of #10 Ursula A. Hofacker. We should be in for a doozy of an Elite Eight match if Pongthong and Squatpump both make it past the next round.

In the Sithole:

#1 Baby Swinger bested #8 Octavia Sheepshanks, although Sheepshanks put up a good fight.

#5 Norman Conquest narrowly upset 4-seed Konockus Sashington. Conquest/Swinger should be tight.

#6 Pooky Amsterdam beat upstart 14-seed Florence Fabricant in a clean three-to-one sweep.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo roundly trounced #10 Syndric Steptoe.

This week: Fraggin’ in the Dragonwagon! Tangle in the Chrotch! Tune in via Twitter.

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Filed under 2013 Bulltron Regional, 2013 Sithole Regional