Sweet Sixteen Results

We thinned our flock by half again this week. Gone are the lazy days of warmer months: the competition is getting fiercer as we separate ever more chaff from the wheat in search of the cream of this year’s crop. If I could work in a fourth agricultural metaphor, I would.

In the Bulltron regional:

#1 Pornsak Pongthong smoked 13-seed Marijuana Warr. I’ve been waiting two rounds to make that joke. It feels anticlimactic.

#2 Yolanda Squatpump barreled through #6 Dr. David L. Dickensheets. Pongthong/Squatpump should be a banner match this week.

In the Sithole regional:

Top-seeded Baby Swinger was down at the beginning of the week but rallied in the end for a close come-from-behind victory over #5 Norman Conquest.

2-seed McWisdom Badejo defeated #6 Pooky Amsterdam.

The Dragonwagon Regional was full of upsets:

#4 Smokey Don Pipes took down 1-seed Dr. Suparman Marzuki like a dimebag of Kryptonite. I am elated.

7-seeded Leila Bossy-Nobs‘ momentum hasn’t let up one bit; challenger #3 Sincere Shears fell far short of securing a place in the Elite Eight.

In the Chrotchtangle regional:

Top-seeded Fancy English, Jr. overcame #4 Fitzroy Waffley without much trouble.

In another come-from-behind victory, #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr dispatched 14-seed Ram Amandeep. Don’t scare me like that again.

There are no longer enough matches per round to fill an entire week. We’ll continue apace with the Elite Eight — two matchups tomorrow and two on Tuesday — but then we’ll leave you until the end of the week to get your votes in. As always, keep up with us on Twitter.

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Chrotchtangle Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Fancy English, Jr. vs. #4 Fitzroy Waffley, #14 Ram Amandeep vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

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The first of the Sweet Sixteen survivors in the Chrotchtangle is Fancy English, Jr., who knocked over a North Carolina bank in the seventies. In my mind’s eye, Fancy was the most genteel bank robber ever to hit the American South. He’s up against another noble name, Sir Fitzroy Waffley (he’s not actually a knight), who edged out Mister Love in the last round. Which will advance to the Elite Eight?


Meanwhile, Ram Amandeep has come far; he’s fresh off of two consecutive upsets. We admit he’s got pluck for a 14-seed. But his time may have run out; #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr tolerates no false idols.

And that’s the end of the Sweet Sixteen — we’re really getting down to the nitty gritty, people. Polls close on Sunday night as usual.

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Dragonwagon Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Dr. Suparman Marzuki vs. #4 Smokey Don Pipes, #3 Sincere Shears vs. #10 Leila Bossy-Nobs

We’re halfway through the Sweet Sixteen! That was fast. Here’s our Twitter.

Four seed Smokey Don Pipes may be the nominal underdog in our first matchup of the day, but the Oklahoman has looked like a top contender through two rounds. After a round one walk, he pasted Twollie Vanderwerf last week in a one-sided wout. His Sweet Sixteen opponent, Dr. Suparman Marzuki, took down Dusty Rust in his last matchup, but the Indonesian politician is in for a dogfight this time around. I’m half-expecting him to fly backwards around the Earth a couple times so he can spam the site with votes for Twollie.

Elsewhere, Leila Bossy-Nobs will try to become the first double digit seed to make this year’s Elite Eight after her shocking defeat of Jackmeoff Mudd. I’m on the record as a huge fan of hers, so I’m glad to see her spring a pair of upsets. That being said, I won’t be unhappy if she falls to Sincere Shears, who won a tough battle last round against strong six seed Gorby Loreus. May the best name win.

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Sithole Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #5 Norman Conquest, #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

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The mensches over at the Filmdrunk Frotcast, who’ve been following along with our game, commented a while ago that the Sithole was the weakest region of the bracket. This is becoming clearer as we separate the wheat from the chaff. We’re not losing sleep over it; no bracket is perfectly balanced.

Starting off the Sithole Sweet Sixteen is Baby Swinger, who took out Octavia Sheepshanks without much fuss. She’s up against Norman Conquest, who last round upset Konockus Sashington, a name I still have trouble saying with a straight face. Who wins?


Elsewhere, McWisdom Badejo‘s rout of Syndric Steptoe was unexpectedly decisive; I thought Syndric had more fight in him. He’ll probably have a harder time with Pooky Amsterdam, who’s got some solid momentum.


See you tomorrow in the Dragonwagon. Twittah.

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Bulltron Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #13 Marijuana Warr, #6 David L. Dickensheets vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump

We began with 64 names. Now there are sixteen. By the end of this week, we will cut that number in half. As always, our Twitter will have all pertinent updates.

Top seed Pornsak Pongthong strolled past another opponent in Round 2. Bak Bak couldn’t slow down our Thai juggernaut; can Marijuana Warr? The woman who beat Narnia Overall in round 2 has a chance to make it 3 upsets in 3 rounds, but she’ll lose a lot of the sophomoric vote this time around.

The other half of the Bulltron Sweet Sixteen features Dr. David L. Dickensheets against Yolanda Squatpump. Dickensheets did well to win his doctor fight against Skyhawk Fadigan, M.D., but Yolanda is a woman on a mission. With two blowouts under her belt, she seems destined for a pitched Elite Eight battle against Mr. Pongthong. Still, she must be careful of a classic trap name in the Sweet Sixteen. Dr. Dickensheets is the clear underdog, but he’s a much stronger contender than Mrs. Squatpump’s round 2 victim, Ursula A. Hofacker. The doctor must not be taken lightly.

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Dragonwagon/Chrotchtangle Round 2 Results, Updated Bracket

Click to enlarge.

Click to enlarge.

First order of business: the battlefield has grown bloodier since we began Round 2. The survivors are shown above.

Here’s the Dragonwagon postgame:

Top-seeded Dr. Suparman Marzuki vanquished another foe. Another one bites the Dusty Rust.

#4 Don Pipes smoked his competition, 5-seed Twollie Vanderwerf. Happy twails, Twollie.

6-seed Gorby Loreus was toppled by #3 Boris Yeltsin Sincere Shears.

Finally, 7-seed Leila Bossy-Nobs upset 2-seed Jackmeoff Mudd. Sam and I are actually ecstatic about this. Given the strength of the voter response to easy grins like Ram Amandeep and Marijuana Warr, we had feared at the beginning that Jackmeoff might win his region (and perhaps the entire tourney) with a bullet. This week, you proved you’re better than that. You did it, you guys. We did it.

In the Chrotch:

1-seed Fancy English, Jr. rocked Mr. Weathers like a Hurricane.

14-seed Ram Amandeep, purveyor of the grins mentioned above, upset 11-seed Magnus Moan.

In the week’s closest matchup, #4 Fitzroy Waffley squeaked by upstart 12-seed Mister Love.

Finally, 2-seed Leo Moses Spornstarr won out over #7 Carlton Crunk.

Sweet Sixteen tomorrow. Get ready.

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Chrotchtangle Regional Round 2: #11 Magnus Moan vs. #14 Ram Amandeep, #7 Carlton Crunk vs. #2 Leo Moses Spornstarr

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There’s a lot to love at the bottom of the Chrotchtangle this round. The first match is a tale of two upsets: Olympic skier Magnus Moan defeated Skylar Stormo in Round 1, while #14 upstart Ram Amandeep took out 3-seed Champion Jointer. Real talk: the deciding factor in this round will be a question of how many people are still wringing cheap chuckles out of Ram Amandeep.


The final Round 2 runoff sees Leo Moses Spornstarr facing his first real competition in the form of Carlton Crunk. Both names are winners, but one must lose. Who will it be?


The Sweet Sixteen begins next week. Follow us on Twitter!

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