Tag Archives: Baby Swinger

Bulltron/Sithole Regionals, Elite Eight: #1 Pornsak Pongthong vs. #2 Yolanda Squatpump, #1 Baby Swinger vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

Well, after several weeks of upsets, scares, and near-misses, both the Bulltron and Sithole Regionals are now down to the top two seeds. Both are shaping up to be titanic struggles. As a reminder, we will post two matchups today, two tomorrow, and then give you guys the rest of the week to decide the Final Four. You’ve all done a great job so far (especially those of you who have followed us on Twitter.)

First up is our Clash of the Titans. It’s our Duke vs. Kentucky, our Nimpson vs. Bloodsaw, our Goku vs. Vegeta, our Lincoln vs. Douglas. In one corner: Pornsak Pongthong, Thai football defender, #1 seed,  hotter than a plate of Pad Kee Mao. In the other: Yolanda Squatpump, ascendant challenger, The Usual Suspects makeup artist, and workout champion of the Bulltron. Only one of these names can reach the Final Four. Who will it be?

The Sithole regional’s two titans are also set for an absolute dogfight. Baby Swinger looked dead in the water against Norman Conquest, but she managed to swing the voting in her favor as if it were a newborn child. Now, she faces her hardest test yet: McWisdom Badejo, who has rolled through three rounds without being significantly tested. Methinks he’ll get his first challenge this week.

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Sithole Regional, Sweet Sixteen: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #5 Norman Conquest, #6 Pooky Amsterdam vs. #2 McWisdom Badejo

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The mensches over at the Filmdrunk Frotcast, who’ve been following along with our game, commented a while ago that the Sithole was the weakest region of the bracket. This is becoming clearer as we separate the wheat from the chaff. We’re not losing sleep over it; no bracket is perfectly balanced.

Starting off the Sithole Sweet Sixteen is Baby Swinger, who took out Octavia Sheepshanks without much fuss. She’s up against Norman Conquest, who last round upset Konockus Sashington, a name I still have trouble saying with a straight face. Who wins?


Elsewhere, McWisdom Badejo‘s rout of Syndric Steptoe was unexpectedly decisive; I thought Syndric had more fight in him. He’ll probably have a harder time with Pooky Amsterdam, who’s got some solid momentum.


See you tomorrow in the Dragonwagon. Twittah.

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Sithole Regional Round 2: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #8 Octavia Sheepshanks; #5 Norman Conquest vs. #4 Konockus Sashington

As previously noted, your Tweets make us happy.

The Sithole Regional enters its second round today with two matchups we expect to be awfully close. On paper, top seed Baby Swinger seems like a clear favorite, but  8-seed Octavia Sheepshanks dispatched her first round opponent with a wider margin of victory. Even so, Ms. Swinger has the much splashier name. While she is twirling toddlers, chucking children, and yanking around youths, take a minute to make sure you don’t pass over consideration of Ms. Sheepshanks.

Up next is our first 4 vs. 5 tussle of the tournament. Your choice in this matchup says a lot about the class of names you enjoy. Nominal favorite Konockus Sashington thrives on a ridiculous jumble of letters and a name that is incredibly fun to say out loud. Norman Conquest, on the other hand, is the perfect choice for those who prefer names that tell stories (or, in this case, deliver history lessons). It’s a run-and-gun offense against a tight, disciplined full-court press. Who will you choose?

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Sithole Regional, Round 1: #1 Baby Swinger vs. #16 Sander Van Der Linden, #8 Octavia Sheepshanks vs. #9 Frostee Rucker

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We’re kicking off the Sithole Regional with a heavy hitter, folks. I feel that any attempt to add commentary to Baby Swinger‘s name would fall pitifully short. Her name is Baby Swinger.

She’s up against Scientific American contributor and Paul Rudd doppelgänger Sander van der Linden, whose name I could read aloud for hours. Seriously, say it: Sander van der Linden. It feels like a bike ride through the foothills of the Alps.

Will Sander‘s dulcet lingual contours be enough to trump the blunt hilarity of Baby Swinger? Vote!

We’ve got another 8-v.-9 nailbiter rounding out today’s ticket. The ontological status of Cambridge University online columnist Octavia Sheepshanks has already been the subject of some subterfuge and confusion. The Independent got the final word on the subject, wherein Sheepshanks confessed that her final column, in which she exposed her persona as a fraud, was itself a hoax executed as a means of protecting herself from attacks on her character. Whatever.

Her opponent this week is Arizona Cardinals defensive end Frostee Rucker. When he was playing for the Bengals, Frostee and several teammates decided to buy two frozen yogurt franchises as a side business. (The media covered this with a remarkably straight face.)

Frostee explains how his name came to be: “My pop [Len] was a DJ while he was in the military and they called him DJ Frost because they said he was cold on the spins. [They called him] Frost, Frostee all that. No matter what he named me they were going to call me Little Frost anyway, so they named me Frostee.”

Rucker or Sheepshanks? Your call!

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